Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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