fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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