Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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