AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
