i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
