I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
