I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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