She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
