hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
