I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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