Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
