I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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