So drunk, too bad you don't want this
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
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Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
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Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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