if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
