So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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