Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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