My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
