Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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