If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
