First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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