WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
