I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
