remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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