I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
