Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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