Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
