you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
