you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Randomize
