Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
