Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
