Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
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A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
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I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
How drunk are you?
Completed.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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