Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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