I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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