Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
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Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
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I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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