doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
