i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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