It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
