when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
