i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
