Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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