If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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