if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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