My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
