:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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