I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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