i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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