I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
