I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
