He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
