It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
