i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
