just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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