she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
