I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Less talking, more tequila
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
