Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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