I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
