Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
