I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
