he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Houston, we have a blender
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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