did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
