and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
