Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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