If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
