remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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