Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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