love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
