whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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