I just threw up on my dentist
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
