i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
