just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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