Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
