a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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