Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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