dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
if only i could text you this smell
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
