oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
