Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i think im in europe. pls send help
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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