how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
