My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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