When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
