i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
