I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
