Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
